


Nuthin’ Perso-Noelle, kid!

by deadmannewil



Category: Deltarune (Video Game)
Genre: Arguing, Bad Jokes, Breaking the Fourth Wall, But WHO?, Character Death, Forgive Me For I Have Done A Terrible Joke, Gen, Gun Violence, Manipulation, Please Forgive me, Rejection, Somebody Is Gone!, Sorry Please, Tags Make It Worse Probably, This Is Not Something I've Spent Weeks On
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 16:36:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18525415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadmannewil/pseuds/deadmannewil
Summary: Kris makes a deal with their soul. It uhh… Doesn’t go that well. In fact… It doesn’t go well at all. Oh gosh, it’s ruined.This is a short one-shot fanfic, idea for which I got from a silly picture. Since my mind is travelling elsewhere, and I don’t want to always speak about my main deal without showing that i’m not a fake, I’ve decided to write it… Please enjoy, and don’t take it seriously. It’s a joke fanfic, so dramatic exaggeration may exist.





	Nuthin’ Perso-Noelle, kid!

**Author's Note:**

> I have no regrets… I swear if this joke fanfic turns out to be better than what I’ve been working on for weeks… I’ll flip! I SWEAR I WILL!

 

It was a quiet night in the Hometown, just like any other night. Monsters were sleeping, with nobody really around the streets, except for an exception, who isn't a monster.

 

It's Kris, or more commonly referred as: “The Human”. And they're having trouble sleeping lately, and nobody is really sure why wouldn't they be able to sleep, I mean, isn't it easy to just fall and sleep? There isn't something in human antics which makes it impossible to sleep, is there?

 

Well, you can say and think whatever you want, it won't solve the problem. Kris is still walking on the nighty streets, in a little bit of colour from various lights, and Kris likes its atmosphere, as it's thrilling!

 

But Kris also likes looking around, studying their surroundings… They can see who's sleeping well, or who is having trouble, they can practically say now who could be having a nightmare, and who wouldn't. Does Kris really care? Well, they aren't sure, and nobody knows that they do it in the first place, not even Toriel, their adoptive mother.

 

...Kris was a weird kid anyway, quiet most of the time, but causing a ruckus easily; never quite audible or active in movement, but still pretty strong; seemingly alright, but inside not quite… All in all, Kris was a weird kid, and they've been in Hometown for a long amount of time, a very long amount of time, and given that, you'd expect everyone knowing Kris in town, since the town is pretty small, however that's not the case with Kris, and they prefer it to be like that, even if it means being lonely.

 

But, for you, dear reader, I suppose I can let in on that secret of Kris, as to why they keep coming at night - stargazing. They love it and cherish it dearly, as it helps to calm them down… 

 

In fact, Kris always liked space. The idea of another world, all these stars, planets, galaxies even… It would feel one with something, wouldn't it? Yet… Kris isn't sure of what that something is.

 

But, Kris doesn't really care, it is a nice feeling, and that's what matters… It has been a week since… Something else had happened in their life, Dark World, more friends, and important of all: Susie.

 

Susie was somebody perfect, somebody determined, somebody strong, somebody who could tell a joke, and if needed, could help in need. Kris cherished her, but did they think of her more than just a friend?.. 

 

Kris looks up to the stars for an answer, and it does make them feel better… Yet, now that they thought of Susie they suddenly feel… Something else, something warm…

 

Is that… Is it that feeling everybody is afraid of for the first time? Is it, perhaps… Love?

 

Kris suddenly feels happy, as they think more and more about Susie, about her figure, strength, attitude… She's perfect… But, Kris isn't sure if they're the one good for her.

 

Kris remember their other friend, who's name is Noelle, and, Kris isn't stupid, in fact, they're pretty smart, and they learned to read people by their face very well… They know Noelle has a crush on Susie, and knowing Noelle, maybe she's better for Susie..?

 

Kris isn't so sure about themselves, after all, they're sure in just being the creepy kid living next door, but it doesn't mean they can't try, right..? But, then again, Noelle… If they would make that move, that move towards Susie, would it break Noelle's heart? Would it… Would it be worth it?

 

Noelle is a sweet girl, after all. She's smart, she's kind, she's talkative, she's cute. You can't think of anything being wrong about her, unless if you count her naivety.

 

Kris looks up to the stars again, and now their eyes are particularly lit up on this occasion.

 

Meaning that their soul wants to talk to them… Kris doesn't trust the soul that much… But their soul has indefinable power, which Kris could potentially use to boost their confidence, perhaps they should try.

 

“Hey Kris, ya missed me? No? That's a shame, buddo, you kinda living me hanging, ya know? Stuck in one place, suppressed… You think it's cool of you to do?” - their soul whispers into their mind. Kris perks up, and defensively crosses their arms.

 

“I see, being feisty now, are we? Well, I've overheard your thoughts about Susie, and I do think that you two will be a match indeed… And for that, I wish to offer my help to ya, call it a… Friendly resonation.” - Soul ends up responding, Kris thinks about it, and thinks that any help would be pretty great. Kris, makes a gesture that could be read as “How will you help?” Or to elaborate on what it said.

 

“Oh, I've got a plan, but I won't share it now, we gotta wait until morning, and I'll need you then, okay? I'll tell ya what to do, but you cannot suppress me for the night… Otherwise, if you do, I won't have enough energy to pull my plan, and it's a  _ very _ effective plan. I'm sure you'll like it in the morning… But I still need power, so how about you finally go home, and try to sleep? I can even try to help ya sleep, if that's something you'd want!” - And the soul finishes. Kris shrugs, stands up from the grass, makes a final glance at the stars, and walks off to their house. They can feel that their eyes… They're pretty much glowing with power, with the shade of crimson red. They feel powerful, and they fill Kris with confidence.

 

Anyway, important details aside, the walk home was short, Kris is very much close to their open window, with a jump they grab the little space there is to get a grip on, and pull themselves up to the window, eventually getting in.

 

As Kris got in, they felt the need to stretch their body, and as such their bones cracked, making an unpleasant sound to many, but not to Kris, Kris has a likeness to such a great sound.

 

Kris feels themselves yawning, and as such, gets under their favourite blanket, closing their eyes.

 

“Goodnight Kris… Tomorrow, it'll all be done.” - you hear your soul whisper.

  
  


-_-_-_-_-_-_-

After some sleep, Kris finally wakes up.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

Kris wakes up, feeling… Light headed, they shift in bed, slowly getting up, and then look at their… Desk.

 

There's a… Silenced handgun laying there. What in the world?

 

“I see that you see what I've planned, however, you can't see that. That's not how it all works bud, not how me, the bad guy, works in this story!”

 

With that, Kris unwillingly snatches the handgun still on the safe mode, and stuffs it… Under their pants. It doesn't look comfortable. And if you would be there, I’m sure just like Kris, you would’ve been weirded out… But-

 

But then Kris falls on the floor, and if you were there, I swear you'd hear something like an excited laughter… But from who? I dunno, stop looking into these words, ya idjit.

 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

After some more hours. Turns out Kris didn't sleep much after all, and nobody knows why they awoke. Hooroo!

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

Kris wakes up, and for some reason feels like something is wrong, but can't put their finger on it.

 

They feel something… Under their pants, like some sort of an item is there. Normally they would see what was there, but today is not the day. They are confident, and they gotta talk to Noelle. They need to tell her about how they feel, maybe they both could come to an agreement…

 

However, Kris can't help but still feel anxious… And they aren't sure If that all has to do with them needing to talk to Noelle.

 

“Well, Kris, today is that day! Ya gotta go now, if you want to be early! Ya gotta be dramatic, and exaggerated about it all! Ya just gotta do it, you've confidence now, and as such I'm sure it'll go great! I'll try to help ya with some words, but for now, like a roadhog, get to school! Fast!”

 

Kris nodded and would've sprinted down the stairs, but remembered that their mother was sleeping. So they instead, with a hasty quiet step, went for the door, unlocking it successfully and stepping out into that hometown hood.

 

Now they could sprint to school, and so they did, like one was running in the nineties,  Kris was running to school but at what seemed to be the speed of light… If on the minimal settings.

 

Having barely 2 minutes passed, they made it to school, they quickly got to the door, pulled it, and since it was open, they walked right in. At last, they were let in!

 

Now… They just need to ask Noelle for… for for for… for help, right?! She'll be eager to help, especially to Kris… Since they haven't talked to her and months, Kris is pretty sure she'll tag along.

 

The move to their left of the corridor, with a swift breath and fast movement, stepping into the classroom.

 

At first they don't see Alphys, so perhaps Alphys is going to be late. They see Noelle however, which appears to be drawing something. They come closer, and they whisper to Noelle's ear something like: “hheeyeh noelbe pls come wit me to help mi” to which Noelle agreed, somehow understanding Kris’ gibberish. Kris grabs her hand (bad touch there, Kris) and literally drags to poor deer student out of her desk, opening the door, stepping out, and turning around to shut it.

 

“Whe-whe-where are we going, K-Kris..? Why are you s-s-so fast?”

 

Kris shrugs, and comes to the unused classroom's door. Opening it and stepping in, Noelle looks around dumbfounded, was this classroom always here? Why are there chess? Does Kris want to play a game, or do they need help with cleaning this place for whatever the reason may be?

 

“Uhh… Kris, why did we come here?” - Noelle asks with a shaking voice, this is all so weird, fast, sudden, that nobody has expected it.

 

Kris coughs a little bit as to fixate their voice to be obedient, and they open their mouth to start talking: “Alright, Noelle, forgive me for doing such a mean jest of lying to you, because I don't quite need your help with anything, at last, not for the day of today! However, that doesn't mean that I've brought you here in order to prank you or to have you lose your time, in fact I just wanted to talk, but in a such tremendous and unreliable piece of school property as our classroom wouldn't simply work, due to the utmost important topic I've got to discuss with you! Ya see, I quite like Susie, and I know for a fact you do to, correct?”   
  
Noelle just… Seems completely thrown back. Kris is talking, talking a lot, talking politely, and asking her about her crush? Knowing about her crush? But… What do they mean by “Quite liking” Susie, Noelle wonders…   
  
“Oh… And, do you want to, m-maybe, do something for her?” - Noelle asks. Kris had their jaw dropped, yet their eyes say that they’ve taken it as a fun suggestion.   
  
“Oh, but not quite! I actually wanted to hint to something different, yet couldn’t think of the words on…  _ How to make it evident that I want to be with her.  _ O-oh, yeah that... (whispers: maybe a little less harsh next time, soul…)” - The tall human responded.    
  
Now, now Noelle is practically sweating, practically dying inside. Is this Kris telling her that they want Susie for themselves? But does Susie even like them? Who’s there to say about what orientation Susie is! And… And what even is Kris? She has to stand for herself this time.   
  
“W-what? But K-Kris, who gave you the idea that Susie might like you? I mean… Nobody really knows who you are for a pair, really… B-But that’s fine, but why a-are you so set on being with her, crossing everyone else out? I-Isn’t that a little selfish, there?”   
  
Kris mentally facepalms, Kris didn’t think of it as a bad idea initially, but now it seems that things have tensed up a little… And Kris doesn’t know how to respond! They themselves don’t know who they are! Except for that they’re a human, about 16-17 of age, living with goats, being alone, and having a soul that is helping them (poorly, not as they’d like, but it’s still help), as well as being tall, and having a lot of hair that hides their gaze. They could’ve swore if Noelle would see their eyes now, she’d probably collapse on the ground, and perhaps maybe even winding up DEAD! But Kris isn’t the one to wish such things, so they do their best to respond back to her.   
  
“I-I mean, it’s not like you and me really know about it! But for me to succeed, I gotta take precautions! Even if it’s selfish, it’s for the greater good, for the greater good I say! As for who I am, nobody knows! And nobody will know! And I want it to be that way! Because… Being mysterious is… Cool?”   
  
Noelle gasped in surprise, having a smile forming on her lips due to how silly Kris sounded just now. She’d facepalm, but she doesn’t know if that’ll be a polite gesture to do, especially at this very moment.   
  
“Ah… Ahahah… Well, I mean… It’s still selfish, and it’s still a bad move… But, who knows? Maybe we should ask her about it first about… General things before deciding who’d be better?”   
  
Kris thinks about it for a minute, and Noelle does make great sense, but…  _ I’ve just about had enough of this.  _ __   
__   
_ Let’s do this my way. -  _ Kris’ soul decides, and with that, Kris is gone somewhere… Else… For a time-out, perhaps? __   
__   
_ “So, this means that you don’t want to let me have her? That’s been your worst mistake yet, Noelle!” _ __   
__   
And with that, NotKris digs their hand back in their pants, making Noelle slightly confused and very much dumbfounded, before pulling a SILENCED GUN, AND SHOOTING WITH IT!   
  
As the sound of the muffled gunfire is made, the bullet flies out with a very hasty pace, seemingly to be forever uncaught, and as it flies, Noelle’s facial expressions, out of this sudden betrayal, have shifted into something… unreadable.    
  
Duh, what did you expect, dear reader? You think that she’d expect her supposed friend to have a real gun on their hands? You’re making me laugh, dear reader…   
  
As the bullet flies across, it goes in and out from Noelle’s neck, causing massive bleeding of dust to start… Dropping? Down?   
  
Sure, let’s go with that. - the writer said, but the fourth-wall break is over! We gotta move on! - the writer said.

 

And as he went, and now we get more details!   
  
As Noelle FALLS from such a sudden force having a very tight grip inside of her throat, and letting go pretty much immediately, Noelle starts gurgling and coughing from such pressure on her poor throat. She coughs up again and again, having dust and spit mixed together, dropping on that nice, nice floor, in that nice, nice unused classroom. Noelle shivers, shakes, tries to desperately move, tries to stop that pain somehow, by any pose, gesture in the books, but nothing seems to work, pain is there, and it’s taking away her life, slowly, but surely!   
  
As her time runs out, with the final liter of air leaving her mouth, she is laying there, being taken apart and turned into dust, that so much resembles ashes… Will she now hate Kris? Will she understand Kris? Does she regret this? Did she expected this?   
  
Ah, many many questions, but unfortunately, somebody’s got a  _ sore throat,  _ to answer anything! So, sorry, but not this time, dear readers!   
  
But what about Kris, you say? Kris is standing there, seemingly retaken their control, completely trembling and shaking over what happened.   
  
_ “Oh come on, Kris, I’m sure you won’t miss her. She was an obstacle, you dummy! Let’s go get Susie now, shall we?” _ __   
__   
Kris isn’t having any of that, however, they struggle to regain control, but unfortunately for them, they’re too shocked, too weak, and too pathetic for such entity as their soul. And as such, their soul huffs out via Kris’ nose, and speaks again.   
  
_ “I see. You didn’t want this, huh? Well, not like I need you! SUSIE IS NOW MINE! BUAHAHAHAHA!” _   
  
And now, Kris is also gone. To where? For what? Are they the one to blame?   
  
Well, somebody’s busy being invested into something else, like  _ voidgazing _ , haha! And now, our dear NotKris walks out from the room, brushing their clothes from any dust, and going to the class.   
  
Now, it seems as if they’re late to the class, but that doesn’t matter. They just gotta ask Susie, and they can continue with their, quite admittedly stupid, but still of a plan!    
  
We’ll skip the details, of how Kris started walking cautiously in the hallway, with each step making its presence in the corridor, how NotKris looked to their left, and to their right, seeing posters of that Sadie Hawkman’s dance, seeing that water fountain, and as they make it much closer to their classroom, they notice that closet, which is something that NotKris’ mind goes absolutely numb about… This is where Kris was thrashed by Susie, and NotKris’ attempts to smooch Susie were negated by Kris’ fear. Well, now at least, they could do whatever they wanted, without any objections from each side. What a great life!   
  
Kris walks in, asks Susie to come out from the class, she nods, asks for leaving, and Alphys nods in hesitation, because damn, Susie was still a creepy tall kid, especially for a small lizard like Alphys!   
  
But… What now? Now… Now comes something else. Susie’s here, NotKris’ here, and now…   
  
__ “So, Susie, I’m asking you out. Come with me?”   
  
“Uh… Nah dude. I’m too busy doing nothing.”   
  
NOTKRIS GOT REJECTED? HOLY HELLLLL   
THATS NOT GOOD   
But, who cares right? What matters is their resp-   
  
And as such, the muffled gunshot rang. Susie’s eyes perked up in terror, fear, and confusion, as they see some of the red misted liquid land on her. What even is this..? And why is Kris layin- Oh… A gun. A real gun?   
  
Ohohohohoho, Susie thinks to herself, now she could finally avenge those sandwiches lost on “free ham sandwich” day!   
Ohohohoho… That’d be great- WAIT FUCK GOD DAMNIT KRIS IS FUCKING DEAD   
  
...Well, Susie, ya gotta do something about it.   
With that, Susie takes Kris’ body, grunting at their weight, and they walk out.   
  
**THE END! BUT THE BEST PART ABOUT THIS ENDING, IS THAT IT’S LEFT TO YOUR IMPLICATIONS, DEAR READER! GO ON! BE WEIRD!**   
  
  


 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading… Uhh, don’t go yet! As I’ve said, this is merely a joke fanfic. I’m working on something much better, and that something is much more serious than this, so, uh, if you liked this, perhaps you’d like what I will have ready soon… Or not soon, I would love to tell, but I can’t.
> 
> Have a good day.


End file.
